To my 16 year old self,
Your life probably feels like a repetitive routine right now. You are a 16 year old with big dreams. You desire an empire but you have no faith in yourself to achieve your big goals. The positive thing – you may not believe it now, but you are going to turn 22 and you are going to be so happy. Happy to be alive.
A part of you feels like you should be that 16 year old who has everything figured out already…what you want to be, where you want to go, who you are, etc. The truth is you will never figure all of that out completely. Life is about constantly learning new things and that includes learning about yourself.
Keep Calm and Carry On.
You are an anxious being who is constantly worrying. You desire to be this person you are not because you just want people to like you. Masking your sadness is no way to live. Allow people who care about you in to even the darkest parts of your life. It is okay to show that even you can be unhappy too. I know you do not want to worry the people around you, but they care. They really do. And they deserve to know how you are feeling. Your loved ones can help you if you just allow them to.
Stop taking out your feelings on those who care.
You know you are constantly lashing out on your family and close friends. You just do not know how to stop yourself. It feels like you can not control your actions and your words. The words that keep coming out, keep coming out aggressive. Your loved ones around you are getting hurt because of them. It is important to seek inner peace before you can not take back what you say.
You are going to stop being the way you are eventually. I can tell you that you will build a closer relationship with your family with time. It may seem impossible to speak to them now, but it will not feel that way forever. They care about you. They just do not understand you or your condition. Sometimes that is okay. You can not understand what you have not felt, and they have not felt the way you feel. That should be something you find comfort in.
The approval of others means nothing.
These people around you are not going to mean much in a couple years. You are going to forget these people and you are going to laugh about how much you wanted to fit in. Life is not about fitting in. It is about finding people who make you feel less broken. The ones who you feel like you can never live without. They are the ones you already fit in with from the moment you meet them.
Most teenagers spend their whole entire teenage years trying to be this person people approve of. This person people want to be around. Why change who you are for people who do not truly care about you? You are an awesome person who radiates a light that can cheer anyone up. Take advantage of that light. Be proud of yourself. You have the power to be the person you want to be. So…be that person.
It is okay if you can not envision your future right now.
I promise you, you are going to. You are going to see that everything will slowly fall into place. Your mind will change a few times too many and you will have to face obstacles you would rather not go through. But you are going to be excited for your future someday. Everything will be alright and everything will start making sense again.
Do not ever let go of your goofy and free spirited personality.
It is what makes you so unique. So many people fear taking risks and being adventurous, You are not one of these people. You like to take risks and you are always leaping into the next stage of your life. It is so rare to find someone who goes after what they want. Be proud of yourself for being something, not many others are. Keep dreaming. Keep going after things other people laugh at and think are impossible.
You deserve happiness.
Your mind is an evil, dark place. You do not deserve to feel the way you feel. I hope you find happiness in your sadness and constantly believe there is a light at every tunnel. I promise you, you are going to see a bright light soon enough. You are going to meet people who make you feel alive again. You are going to appreciate those already in your life a lot more. That is what you deserve and that is what you are going to get.
Love always, yourself.
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